I hate holidays. Actually, no, i don’t. I hate the obligations and expectations the holidays impose upon other people, which, in turn, bleeds onto me. That’s not good blood either, it’s infectious blood that i can due very well, thanks, without.
Then again, that could just be my misanthropy speaking.
My desire for isolationism grows and grows. Not so much that i want to be alone in my warm little space above the city, just that i don’t want to have to feel i need to leave it. Not a healthy outlook, i know, trust me. It’s the day before Christmas and i’m sitting in my apartment. It’s a mess. I have bills to pay and laundry to do and cleaning which desperately needs to be worked out. I’m also supposed to be on a bus in 3 hours to head back to Boston.
The entire situation is clearly my fault. I’ve been negligent for weeks now, much to the dismay of my family and a certain best friend (whom i’ll be lucky doesn’t twist me into a pretzel upon arrival in New England). I find that i need some well deserved downtime after touring. It’s not that i maliciously ignore people, or try to be a dickhead about contact, i just want some sleepy, quiet time. What happens is a vicious cycle though of |Me not answering calls or eMail| >> |People try harder to contact me.| >> |I become less inclined to answer calls or eMail| >> |People try harder to contact me.| >> |So on an so forth until people just write me off as “that dickhead who won’t answer his phone”|. I don’t want this to happen, but i certainly don’t make the situation any better by not taking the time to explain it to anyone.
Interesting for you all to read, i know, but they’re doing something to the side of my building and as such i cannot take a shower without 2 guys in hardhats watching me do so. No. Thanks.
There’s plenty of other things i could be doing, hell, should, be doing, but my motivation is sapped by the approaching day and the things i have to be doing. Though, i do live by the credo “You don’t ever HAVE to really do anything, as long as you can accept the consequences of your inaction.” I can live with the consequences just fine, it’s the guilt that’s starting to get to me though. Heh.