Stopwatch Heart

Cambridge
Parks

It’s 2:00AM on Saturday morning as I started writing this. I’m sitting on a few drafts of posts; Part 2 of Playing With Power (Part 1), Part 3 of The Eyes Of Disarray, (Part 1, Part 2) along with one of my infamous compilation posts covering a huge range of topics. Per usual, I’m writing and creating faster than I can draft so instead of firing out updates here on a regular, almost daily, basis, I tend to just collect them until I can sit down and get them all ready for posting. Ideas usually come to me hard and fast, followed by short stretches of intense inspiration, and if I don’t capitalize on the moment they all just get backlogged until I get that next wind.

Tides
Tides

I have some projects in the works, and by “in the works” I only mean that I have a notebook full ideas that require some motivation to get started. Well, that’s not totally true. I have all kinds of travel plans in the works. Shoots being discussed. Photos in the process of being processed. Nothing complete though. The ideas are the easy part, though the execution parts aren’t that difficult either, I just need to actually do them. My short bursts of inspiration are usually also accompanied by intense bursts of motivation that also fade quickly. It’s no secret that despite all the craziness that happened in the past months, all the people I’ve met, all the stories I’ve told, friends I’ve spent time with, all the experiences I’ve had, all the new opportunities that have presented themselves, all the skills I’ve acquired, I’m still approaching the majority of things with a downturned gaze. It’s all right there in front of me and I know I can take it. I’ve lived the majority of my life that way. As a professional freelancer, I’ve had to. Yet, here I sit, begrudgingly willing to accept any of it. It is the exact opposite of what I should be feeling and doing. I most certainly know that, but it doesn’t seem to help. At the very least I should be drawing inspiration from the malaise, as I have in the past. Some of my most intense and creative output was created in times like this. I feel like there is something blocking me this time though. Different avenues maybe. In the past this website was a reflection of those times, in both design and content. Due the expansion of the site, and it’s current state, I’m hesitant to just tear it all down and rebuild. My current creative outlet, photography, is still something I’m learning to be disciplined in. Traveling contributed a lot to that, but there is still a ways to go. I need a lot more focus.

Dreams
Dreams

So yeah. Originally this post was going to be about how everything seems to be going to hell in the world around us, and the reflection of my mood, but that’s been separated for another post. It’s 3:00AM now and I should probably asleep given that I’m traveling into Boston tomorrow for a shoot. Sleep has not been coming easily lately and while that’s been great for productivity, it’s been less so for my overall state of being. I woke up with a brutal headache this morning, which is incredibly rare for me, so that’s probably a sign.

Escape still lingers in the back of my mind. For the time being though, that’s where it needs to stay.

Forget How To Feel
Forget How To Feel

Not that I’m that hard to please
but lately when I hit the street
it’s hum-de-dum
When the hard times hit
The hardest hit make the best of it